I think so much I can't even do school. Journal #1
It's 24/12/02. I am tired, and sick. How thoughtful, NOT. You see, the problem is- I am what people prefer to as a "Difficult" child, or did prefer to me as one growing up. well, I do suppose that is just a little bit of a backstory to my life, but whatever. I just have no one to talk to, or explain my brain too. I'm strange, weird, and a thought person. For some context about me, I enjoy writing, Poetry, calm music, fantasy films, Journaling, photography, singing, acting, dance, and art. I am a misunderstood young lady. I am quiet and tired by everything, because I think all the time. I don't enjoy science, math, or anything to do with numbers- I am a thinker, and at times I do not enjoy it at all. I can't find the words to describe myself, so this post will probably be nothing but a muse. I just hope someone out there understands me. I feel emotion so deeply I feel the energy of those around me, I feel non human, and curious. I write and I write, but nothing can explain myself or the mess inside my mind, the mess is beautiful but dark inside. I want to be a Poet, actor, writer, singer, ballerina, painter, model, and more things to do with making a difference. I feel so stuck and trapped inside my mind. I sit for hours and have such deep and extraordinary thoughts that one cannot explain, only feel and experience the emotion of those tragic thoughts. It's like I have a purpose, but what can I be, if not a person? I have my whole life ahead of me, but I feel 46 all the time. People call me smart, But I lack the feeling of feeling that smart. I want to expose myself and thoughts, brain, and story to the world, in a way it will be remembered and inspire others. My deep thinking only leads to depression within me, so one shall not be depressed and famous in this time. It's like this gut feeling of dread, misfortune, melancholic, empty, full, and dreaming all at once. I feel like I'm not the main character, but still important in this story, It's a strange and yet beautiful feeling for thee to experience. I just wish to know and understand myself in the way everyone wants to be understood and known. I am a somewhat bright young lady, but an awful dark minded one. How do I stop this, and focus on schooling, and not these deep thoughts that intrude in my head? And before anyone asks, yes- I do have some disabilities and take meds, but that isn't the cause for my slump here. Any thoughts? Thanks xx
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Alice.R.Doyle
I am a teenage girl, with deep thoughts and troubles.
